So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
