we made out on top of his cat.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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