Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
