Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
