ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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