So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're like the curious george of whores
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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