you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
