He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
