Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
