I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
