idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
