I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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