We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
