Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
