I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
