we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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