He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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