Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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