Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
