Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize