"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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