All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
