The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
