Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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