my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
