I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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