you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
