i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
