I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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