Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
