I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
