u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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