You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
