is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
