i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
