After last night, I could never be a politician.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
