I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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