She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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