Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
