This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Dick very happy bro
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Come on in and take your pants off
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