threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
