Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
