walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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