she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
