Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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