I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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