He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
