6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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