anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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