Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
as a side note pls kill me
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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