I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
