This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize