Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
