i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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