Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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