GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
